Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
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