im gay
i know
yea but for you.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
