The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
