the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
