Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
