There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
