just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
