Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
