Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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