If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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