He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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