We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
So much Jack, so little girl.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
