where am i from again
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
