hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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