Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
