ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
