feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
