i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
