You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
