I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
