Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
