exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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