Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Is it penis luge time yet?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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