He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I need water and some morals
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
