The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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