Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
