she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
So many bounce houses so little time
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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