Well apparently he's into motor boating.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I did not marry a roomba.
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