so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
