Your face is a jimmy john
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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