i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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