When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
