It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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