We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
he had hair everywhere except his balls
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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