she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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