your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
