Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
