I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
