dude i'm inner monologue high
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
