Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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