We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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