I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You are the jesus of drinking
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
