you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
