9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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