guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Randomize
