I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
