the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
