life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
