Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
