just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
