Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
