The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Randomize
