I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
